Here's the deal: I posted a thing to Instagram yesterday (you can totally follow me there, but if I don't know you, drop me a message so I can add you to my sooper seekrit, fancy-people list), about how hard things have been lately, and how I was really down and funky. Not in a good, Bruno Mars, Uptown Funk way.
I was laying too much of this funk on a friend, and she did something amazing: she said no. She gently, kindly told me that she needed a break while I upgrade. I was SO HAPPY. I LOVE IT when people set clear boundaries about what they need. LOVE IT. And she reminded me: There's a purpose to all this funk.
There is no shame in being in the funk, in the stew and the muck and the stink and the awful. I was stuck in that smallness and overwhelm and anxiety. I tried pretending I wasn't. Didn't work so well.
What worked, in the end, was hearing that I was UPGRADING. Yup. You know how when you are in the middle of a project, cooking or making art or building, and there is a God-awful, unholy mess everywhere? That was me. I was a mess. I'm still kind of a mess. But I've decided not to be scared and sad about it any more. I'm in the process of an upgrade. Not that there was anything wrong with the old model of Sara, but the new one will be even better.
So, I'm letting myself off the hook. No perfectionism allowed, not even about no perfectionism. No freaking out, even about maybe starting to freak out. I started a little "not-good-enough" panic today, and I stopped it. I overdrew my bank account by not depositing a check before buying groceries, but it's FINE (I have overdraft protection! Thanks, me!) The stories I'm telling at Reindeer Day tomorrow might not be perfect. It's OKAY!
So, because December is a really busy month, I've decided More is More. I'm going to try to post daily, and see what happens. No perfectionism.
Meanwhile, go listen to this total gorgeousness.
Hi. That's me. I write, sometimes, about parenting, storytelling, and about living a life with stories.