failures and triumphs

Some weeks, I think that any moment, the Pedagogical Section of the Anthroposophical Society is going to show up at my door and demand my degree in Waldorf Education, my Purple Book, and my copy of The Foundations of Human Experience be immediately returned.  In other words, I continue to be the antithesis of exemplary.  I don't measure up.  

Some recent failures: 

• my son both watched an episode of Wild Kratts, and played some games on the PBS Kids website.  
• and then he went to my dad's home the next day and watched "about seven" episodes of the same show, to his reckoning.
• I yelled at him the other day.  Again. 
• I probably yelled today, too.  But I've blocked that memory.
• I've been giving my kid regular drug-store children's cold medicine. 
• Breakfast no longer has a clear rotation of daily offerings.  Dinner never has had one.
• Rhythm? On weekends?  Hahahhahahahaha...
• I gave scientific explanations to some questions.
• I keep asking him what he wants, what he thinks, how he feels.  Question after question.
• We missed the Lantern Walk with his old classmates.

And honestly, when I look at these, they don't scream bad parenting to me.  They scream, "Awesome, caring mom!"  Those tv shows and games are a far better choice than the ninjas and fighting and toy-company-commercial ones he was clamoring to watch a few months ago.  The cold medicine is helping to quiet his cough so he can sleep.  I apologized for losing my temper, or diffused the situation with humor and hugs.  


In each of those so-called failures is a blessing.  My son has beautiful relationships with his Grandpa and Pépé (my stepdad and dad).  He has delicious, healthful food to eat.  He is parented by people who love him wildly and who want to share our excitement and interest in the world around us.


So let's look at another list.  Some recent triumphs:

• We took a beautiful, cold walk around our own neighborhood, singing Lantern songs and carrying our handmade lanterns from last year.
• Bedtime has been snuggly and loving, and we have managed to move through two nights of tears and big almost-six-year-old fears.
• My son goes to school warmly dressed in a clean uniform and outdoor gear.  He eats nutritious food provided free to all the children in the school, and he learns patience, empathy, and kindness as well as letters and numbers.
• We have great family discussions at the table, when we aren't trying really hard to stop Bad Manners and Goof-offs, about a variety of topics.

Maybe you need to let yourself off the hook, too.  Maybe there are places where you want to improve.  Good! It means you are open to new ideas, that you are always learning.  It means your awareness and presence are expanding.  Good! Mine are, too.  Let's rejoice in that, and in our beautiful families, with all their messiness and crazy-making tendencies, and stop beating ourselves up over whatever failure we think is there.