loud and Clear

what does this have to do with this post? nothing. except the clarity of light, the clear autumn sky.

I am finally starting to get it.  Sometimes, I can be a little dense.  I keep filling out online applications, submitting resumes, trying over and over to fit myself into the boxes.  

Have I learned nothing?

Thirty-eight years of living in this body, with this soul, have taught me this: 
no matter how well I follow the rules, or try to, I cannot be other than I am.

You see, I have always wanted to be safe, to make the choice that would lead to acceptance, but it really never worked.  I was never part of the popular crowd.  I got the degrees.  I tried to do it right.

But doing it right never seems to be right, because it's not authentic.  And oh, the trouble it makes for me, in my living, my work, my parenting...

So, the message I am getting this week, from my sources, from the internet, church, my kid, my wife, my life, is this:

JUST DO WHAT YOU DO.  

what about you?  Do you try to refuse your own story?  I do.  

Some stories I might tell you soon, but no promises:

• things I got right as a teacher
• things I got totally wrong, and it wasn't my fault.
• things I got wrong, and it was totally my own fault.
• how I found myself in a far-away land on the brink of revolutionary change.
• three evenings that cracked me open.
• how I messed up another thing, but it's going to be ok.

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