October 23rd, 2016

I'm sitting down to write, and I feel empty. A beloved guest from far away is staying with us, and my panicky only-child self is at war with my desire to spend time with my dear visitor. So I over-extend and do too much, and don't set boundaries, and then wonder why my heart is racing and I'm snapping and sniping at my child and spouse...

And our time together is good. A mirror is being held up, though, to how much i rely on my own routines and patterns to get by.

I hate that I'm letting my child soothe himself with tech -- games and cartoons on the iPad -- when I retreat to my phone and computer to tune out.

I hate that my kid is eating so much sugar, when I search the cupboards for a quick snack instead of a meal.

I hate being begged for a toy or soon-to-be thrown away thing, when I am letting money run through my fingers and bills are piling up while I don't work enough.

Im in a rough and whiny spot tonight, and angry with myself for not being happy.
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